Hospitals

        I hate hospitals. I hate the clean aisles, the toilets and the medicines smell. Everywhere you go there is this funny stinky medicines smells. I visited hospitals and doctors a lot. I used to go in and out of the hospitals until I was 9 or so. After that i used to go for appointments approximately 3 months once. During the appointments, I go into the X-ray rooms a lot. When when I was 18 years old , I got fed up and I stopped every appointments. The less I go for appointments, the more I go to school.

             That's just and introduction on why I hate hospitals and my experience about appointments.

          Yesterday, I went to visit one of my friend in the hospital. While walking down to her room my bladder did its usual toilet calling, I hated the fact that i felt like going to the toilet ( oh you bladder did you forgot that you hated hospital toilets) but i can't stand it. As much as I am trying to calm my bladder down the more it want to let it go. So I have no choice but to go to the toilet! In th toilet my beautiful imagination about ghost looking down at me started, I felt funny though but I ignored my wild imagination and did my business, then quickly left the toilet.
           Before reaching to my friend's room, I saw another girl laying down at the aisle, maybe because the hospital do not have space to place her in any room. I smiled at her. It gave me a warm feeling inside of me.
           My friend was alright, she is waiting for her blood to be taken. I talked to her about normal teenage would do ( she's a teen ). Other times, we just sat there in silence. There were one old Chinese lady who have been discharged but none of the family members came to take her home. Suddenly, I questions myself, " what happen to you people nowadays?" "where is the love and care for the old people or for your old parents went?" I felt sad for her. If I have my own house I would surely bring her home and treat her with love.
       Today I am gong back to the hospitals not to only visit my friend but to also visit the girl that i smiled at and also the old lady, if she is still there. 

Imperfection & Perfect Moment: Sefish vs selflessness

Imperfection & Perfect Moment: Sefish vs selflessness: " Selfish according to the online dictionary: chiefly concerned with one's own interest, advantage, etc, esp to the total e..."

Sefish vs selflessness

       Selfish according to the online dictionary: chiefly concerned with one's own interest, advantage, etc, esp to the total exclusion of the interests of others ( http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/selfish ). selflessness, having little concern for one's own interest. 

      Based on my own experience, let's think about the act of being selfishness and the reason behind being selfless. I am selfish in a sense that I like to focus on I, me and mine. It always happens when it comes to my personal problems. I had and have lots of problems and it was easy for me to get away when I focus on others. Always until last week, I focus on other people problems but deep inside of me my problems were still there, it did not disappear.

       Everytime, I thought of talking it out, I also remind myself not to be selfish. Then you know what happens? i build something called: selflessness in the eyes of the beholder. People might think or saw me as selfless but deep inside i was selfish. Y selfish huh? because I am selfish enough to focus on other people's problems so that I do not need to focus on my own problem. That also means that I do not need to speak out or even cry about it to others, but just act strong. Isnt that being selfish and selfless at the same time? selfish because I did not give myself a chance and selfless because I think about others more than myself.
      
      You wanted to run away from your inner problems by focusing on other people thinking that you are being selfless but you are not. Thinking that what you are doing is a noble thing but in reality you are not. 

      I did not overcome this problem because I am so use to it. But funny right when you think that you are being noble but actually you are just being  a hypocrite(to be blunt)

so to be selfish or not?


Yours sincerely,  
Its just my  thoughts!

Imperfection & Perfect Moment: Dying and Wounded Heart

Imperfection & Perfect Moment: Dying and Wounded Heart: " Today, I realized that I am always looking out what is worse in me. Nothing I said to myself was good, pleasing and warming to my wo..."

Dying and Wounded Heart

        Today, I realized that I am always looking out what is worse in me. Nothing I said to myself was good, pleasing and warming to my wounded heart. At the same time, deep inside i felt emptiness, loveless and a sense that people do not care for me. I am a dying soul in need of love for myself. It is not selfish to love myself and it is no bad when I want the best out of me. One of the thing that I want the best out of me is to shut the past and open a door of victory-that is right in front of me. Along the way I am going to write and list down or even tell the world about the moments in my life (perfect and imperfect moments) that are going to change my life.