Saying Good, Good Byes

I took this from the internet which I change it to suit my current situation.

“I hugged you like it was nothing at all. In fact, all that I wanted to do is to hold on to you forever. Also, hoped that time will pause and let me breath my heartache. Instead I did what seem logical to my sense: I let you go, smile and walk away. Then I cry at night, because I know that it will never be the same when I wake up tomorrow morning,”

            I never really said good good byes to the people I know. All this while, precious people that I know along my life's journey, I've kept very close contact with them. Nevertheless, here's one of my good good bye & I hope this will be the last one too. I hate good byes. It does not belong in my dictionary.

The way we said good bye: 

            In nature, I like to bush around issues that I do not feel good talking about, so that is what I did. I bushed around to feel better about saying good bye yesterday. I talked about how were my weeks as well as joke around about a lot of things. Deep inside my heart, I was at a state of denial, thinking that this is NOT happening and it will not happen too soon. On the other hand, even if this happens, I assure myself that I’m going to meet you again.

            I can see that you so want to talk about the good bye more than I am. Then it all begins when it was 2.45 PM. You asked me whether I needed explanation on why you are leaving. I did not want to because I’m scared the truth will hurt more then the good bye itself. But deep inside I’m wondering why do you had to leave.

             

           When you gave me that fairy tale book, you made me feel like a small child. A small soldier child, who now needs to travel the journey on her own at the moment. I am not ready to replace you with someone else in the near future.

I will remember the tears in your eyes yesterday and the way you processed your thoughts to write on my gift. In the future, when I think of you, I too will a say a little prayer about you. I had good time knowing you & thank you for being able to journey with me.

            

A special woman in my life

Honestly, I don’t have many women in my life and I want to share a very peculiar one:  my godma. I’m sharing this because its her birthday today.

She did not give birth to me but she care for me as her own she nurtured me spiritually and also meet some of my daily needs. Nevertheless, she also disciplines me when she need to. She’s one person when she talks to me over the phone, she will more likely end the conversation with, “love you, take care, bye bye.” 

Sometimes when people looked at her, people can regard her as insane, but to me she is a saint. She juggles a lot of precious fragile glass ball wonderfully by God’s strengths.  She’s a pastor, a youth pastor in fact. 

She’s always full of energy and enthusiastic about her ministry. She strives to equally love all the youths that is under her care. She is a mother to all her youths but she’s also young! She is also an incredible mother to her own little and wonderful children (Ian, Natalie and Nigel). She is a superwoman because she can handle a lot of things together. Oh, how much I adore her strength and her love.

She always and forever strives to honor God with the responsibility that was given to her. She refuses to hear bad things about her youth but she does the other extreme end-she builds relationship and trust. Trust me; no matter how long it takes to get through you, she will never give up. Also, she does not care if people are talking bad about her. She is also very focus to impact people around her.

She is super optimistic; sometimes I’m jealous because I’m a pessimistic in almost all the hard situation. She believes that a situation/people can change. She prays for them and she relies on the power of God for a change. You can put her in every impossible situation, but she will still find opportunity to make it possible.

She is resourceful in every way. She knows her Bible and she knows what to say to us (the youths). She is resourceful also in terms of other things, her handbag is like her doremon pouch, and she has everything with her.

To me, she never hated anyone. Never once, in our conversation that she used the sentence,  “I hate her/him.”  Even if she had, she always tried to find ways to love that someone just as God has loved us all.

Lastly, MUMMY;

I know I’ve said this before or maybe I THOUGHT of saying it but I want to say it again:

I never felt this much of mother’s love before,

So given attention to,

If a pictures of human faces is painted, I can spot you easily because to me, you have the most “mummy-ish face” ever (whatever that means)

I want to do all the little things that I can so that, when we’re are old we can talk and laugh at the memories we had.

I can see that God is on your side, and that he is going to bring great blessing to you and your family and your ministry!

Love,

Rachel

P/s: you don’t mind I share it at my blog aite? but i already did....

Till Eternity Will I Serve

This is not based on emotion, I am conscious of what i am writing and what I am committing myself to BECAUSE GOD IS ALIVE YESTERDAY, TODAY AND FOREVER. and I truly want to serve Him with what I have, EVERYTHING that I WAS and I am.

You ( Jesus,My Lord and Savior)

You knew me in my mother’s womb, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made,

You shed Your blood to forgive all my sins and my inequities,

You were there protecting me when I’m in danger,

You kept me alive for Your purpose,

When I  fall a thousand times, you picked me up every time.

When I felt that I was unworthy, You showed Your unconditional love,

In everything, You’ve never failed to show that You cared,

In my darkest night, You were my protector,

In my loneliest time, You were my counselor and my comforter,

You were the in the beginning,

You are her now, in my life

and You will be in my future.

Me (Your servant)

I will give my life until eternity to serve you,

I will stand in the gap for Your people,

I will give my life as an empty vessel, to be used by You, 

I will allow You to shape me as You want me to be,

And in everything that I do, I will glorify and lift Your name high!

AMEN!

Casting Crowns - Does Anybody Hear Her

HOW MANY OF OUR GIRLS ARE LIKE THIS?

As I was watching this video and listening to the words, I ask myself a question who's fault is all this?

I am not talking in a parent's point of view because I am not a mother neither do I based on my own experience, I talked based on the feelings that I have for the lost teenagers who are still out there finding a way out for affection and attention. Who are we? we are people who can stand alongside with these teens and change their point of view. change it towards christ-centred so that they can feel the unconditional love and experience God's blessing....... there after pass it to the next generation, I don't care if I can only reach out to one teen..... all that matters is that her life and how is it going to IMPACT people around her.....

A Cry From The Abused

My counselor gave this to me, and I thought that it would be cool to share it to others:

Sexual abuse is the ultimate form of being used

Its is a denial of self with all rights refused

I can’t even trust myself, the abuser or you

Of me- a part of my heart

It tales away from my will to survive

It makes me doubt why you even care

In fact, it makes me question everything-everywhere

I feel like giving up the lasting I have

The hope instilled by God above

The unconditional love,

Life’s philosophy seems like it’s been taken from me

I often wish restitution

Or anything that might be a resolution

I need an answer; whole or in part,

To stop the aching in my heart

I want once more to forgive

And to pass from this stage and live

To be free from the weights

And the semicomatose states

To be loosed from the guilt and reason

And to know the abuse only lasted for a season

                                -anonymous sexual abuse survivor

You know what I think? I think what the survivors said is true. Sometimes you just feel the way you feel and you also feel that people do not understand you. I've written myself another one that does not contradicts what it says above. Instead, it emphasis how God can mightily work in people's lives and change lives. I survived, and I'm not ashamed to tell you that. I know many people survived and They inspired me. I determined to survive, just why there is no suicidal thoughts or whatsoever.  I had God, the living and unconditional Loving God.... I remembered the faces that loves me ALL the time when I felt unworthy. sometimes, a part of me just too scared to face reality, but God had always made it possible. I've gone through this for a reason. No on can break me, in fact nothing can break me anymore.

walking away from the past,
closing up the wounds,
I only want to move forward,
Never want to fall back again.

Oh Lord; my life is in your hand,
My breathe; my everything,
Only You make me secure,
and only You wipe the tears.

I stand before you o lord,
Tested through all my life,
Here I kneel before Your holy presence,
Knowing that You're my creator.

I've been waiting for something real too happen,
I need you; God in my journey,
To fulfill Your purpose,
and I give up my life for Your kingdom.

this was my prayer and cry for the pain that I've gone through.